2 weeks ago I signed up at a Bikram studio for an unlimited month of yoga classes. For beginners they offer a really great deal. This is the kind of yoga where its in a 105 degree heated room. It's sweaty, it's miserable and it sucks. But I swore I was going to push myself and really challenge my physical limits this year. I've been going 3x a week and i hate it.
However- I'm getting better at it! I have a horrible sense of balance but I've been improving in my poses and am able to hold some I've never done before. There I am, looking in the mirror during class finally able to see myself stand on one leg kicking the other back over my head. I am like super proud!

Funny side note- since the deal is only for your first month I figured I would sign up under an assumed name in case I wanted to come back and try it again for another month. I'll just go to the other location and use my real name. It's silly, I know. So I signed up under the name of the main character from "Suspiria". Wouldn't you know, in my first class are two different people who know me. They're shouting "hey Wendi!" and I'm trying to be all discreet and warn them my name is now Susie Banyon. Oh man I'm a dork. What are my ex-coworkers and friend doing taking yoga at noon on a Monday anyway? Shouldn't they be at work so I can be Susie Banyon in private?

Thanks to Tom for designing it! My theory is that it makes us look a bit "metal", but when the zombie apocalypse comes, all bands will have to come together to fight.

Friday night, Noosh and I decided to celebrate the "International Mr. Leather" competition with a visit to the Leather mart. For those of you who don't know, this is a convention of the gay kinky/leather community that takes up about 4 floors of the Palmer House Hotel, one of the oldest and most venerable hotels in Chicago.

Some of my straight girl observations:
-Gas masks. In my opinion gas masks look really cool as part of a super hero/villain outfit (think Golden Age Sandman), but is it really appealing to make your face that sweaty during scene play?

-military uniforms. What better way to celebrate Memorial Day than lusting after some buff young guy in a latex sailor suit? At one point I was standing around watching a fisting video next to a blonde dude speaking German to his friend wearing an authentic Luftwaffe flight suit. If only he played for my team I might have invited him home for a game of "Das Top Gun".

-the ass hook!! Serious question- how does one get hoisted in the air by a large hook in his ass without puncturing his rectum? Are those solid steel? is there some sort of give to it to prevent injury?

-puppy play. In addition to men in latex doggie masks being led around on leashes I read an ad for a puppy party that stressed it was a "bring your own bowl" event. Apparently communal doggie bowls are frowned upon in the puppy community? I call discrimination!

-Latex mummification cubes. It's like a little cage you squat down in that vacuum sucks all the latex around you for maximum suffocation/mummification. Huh.

-I'm not even going to get into the bootlicking competition or the scat video corner. Please note I'm not making fun of the fetish community, I'm just very fascinated.

-The most disturbing trend of all- acid washed jeans! Apparently the "utilikilt" is not all the rage in gay fashion this year, but looking like Joe Elliott in a Def Leppard video is. Amidst all the leather and latex and ass hooks was a stand just selling bleached out jeans. And men were wearing them! Now I'm just confused.

The next day I rode 30 miles in the pouring rain as part of "Bike the Drive". It was exhilarating and felt amazing.

I was never even remotely athletic growing up. I'm much more the quiet, bookish sort. But in the past few years I've become far more active frequently taking yoga and pilates, and recently kickboxing.

I've discovered a new addiction. I'm not sure if it's because I'm too cheap to get a gym membership, or the illicit thrill, but twice a week I crash different hotel gyms. I am keeping a log rating local hotels based on what equipment they have, if they have saunas, pools, etc, and how easy it is to get in, if I have to give a fake name and room number. Usually I just stroll into some fancy hotel in my track pants, get into the elevator where they usually have the gym floor marked.
Generally they only ask you for a room key if you want a locker. I've been doing this early in the mornings, most times the workout centers are almost empty and in some places I score a free continental breakfast on the way out. No one has asked me any questions or even looks twice.

Also today I got a new bike from my upstairs neighbor and I'm signing up for "Bike the Drive", the 15 mile bike ride up Lake Shore Drive. Every year I say I'll get up the nerve to do it, but this year I've determined I actually will.

"All Along the Watchtower"????
Are you fucking shitting me?????

Other than that a great episode. Tigh's internal drama over being a cylon is going to rock like woah.

I just got done with this one client. He's a pretty reliable regular, but the problem is this-
He always makes appointments last minute. he complains that nothing I do is "hard enough". (Literally, he says this while I'm digging my elbow into his back). And he never tips.
Should I mention something to him and risk losing a regular? Or should I keep my mouth shut and be thankful he's not asking me to touch his junk?

Note to self- never take a kickboxing class the same day I'm playing a show. I forget playing drums uses all my limbs.

I've made a project out of cooking a new recipe from my peanut butter and jelly cookbooks every week. Tonight I'm making African peanut beef stew.

I get a phone call from a client. he asks my location, I tell him the intersection.
Client: "That's a little too far. I'm in a cab right now and looking to get a massage."
Now....did this guy get in a cab and then randomly decide to start calling for massages? What did he tell the cabbie when he got in? Why does he assume I'm free right now?
Who does that???

manoosha and I are standing in a book store last night. He points out a cute book of Corduroy Bear stories. I asked him who would win in a fight- Corduroy vs. Paddington Bear.
Noosh: "when cute bears fight, we all lose".
So true. This may be why my plush animal bookie stopped returning my calls.

It was determined yesterday that I must be something of a bitch by two different people.

First, I get an email from a client I had seen earlier in the week. He writes me:
"do you ever do a buy one, get one free deal? or, even though I'm not trained, maybe we could just trade massages?"
IDIOT. You know, this isn't actually my job. I manage to pay my bills with flowers and rainbows. I just massage strangers for fun.
Instead of saying that, I sent him a one word email. No.
he writes back and says "that's cold."

Later I got an email from some band I don't know announcing their show wherever. In the announcement they use the line "if there is a hippie or a stoner inside of you, you need to check out (band name)".
I couldn't resist and wrote back to them:

If there were a hippie living inside of me I would have choked that traitorous bitch with our own intestines by now.

They wrote back "wow that was harsh."

I remember when I was about 6 or 7, one year for Christmas I fell madly in love with this one package under the tree. I didn't care what was in it, I was just so enamored of the wrapping and the box. I carried it around with me for about two weeks and swore not to open it.
Finally, a couple days before Xmas, I had to go with my mom to her trip to the methadone clinic. I remember we were in her drug counselor's office and I thought it would be a good idea to open my present then (since surely mom couldn't yell at me with another adult in the room).
It was a Paddington Bear doll. I loved that thing for years. At one point I stapled his hat to his head so it would never come off.
I'm not sure if I loved Paddington better in or out of his wrapping.

Merry Christmas.

Among the things that made me cry today:
-I broke my space heater tripping over the cord. Now it won't work.
-I dropped off business cards at a coffee shop to see someone had carefully drawn a cock getting sucked on all the ones i left there before.
-I gave a massage to a guy who was being very complimentary and nice. Then he tells me he doesn't want to pay because it wasn't really a "full body".
-Not having the money to see my family at xmas.
-That speech Adama gave on this week's BSG after Tyrol kicked his ass.